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I'm not trying to be sexy.

Go ahead. We don't fucking care if you leave all your shit in the laundry room and then leave a note telling us not to steal it. Offend us visually and then offend us emotionally.

I seriously hope someone steals all of it.

Anyway. I'm clearly cranky from being housebound although I've been forcing myself out the door even though it's too damn cold. I went to my new favorite fruit and veggie place over by the JMZ Marcy stop. The stuff isn't organic but it always looks and tastes pretty juicy - these are some serious greengrocers. I'm going all veggie for a while because when I was working at the ad agency my project was for a fast food hamburger joint (not the really evil one, just one of the sort of evil ones) and I ate it a couple of times to get in the spirit of the project and now I think I need to take colon cleanser or something like that. Also I may need to burn some sage in me for karmic purposes. Maybe I could just swallow sage and it would cover all of my needs in one shot.

Anyway again. (Man, what is going on with me?) So as I mentioned I'm going to try to use this space a bit more purposefully whenever possible (not that the above is any indication of this resolution). I actually went ahead and made a list of all the crappy things that have ever happened to me or that I have ever done in my entire life that have led to me being the emotionally distant woman I am today. It only took me like, two minutes to make it, and as soon as I was done I started laughing at myself. I was thinking maybe I could just try and get over them all, because seeing them in a list like that made it all seem so small and finite and well, unimportant. I mean, shouldn't I be over this stuff by now? (Obviously I'm not if they all popped up so quickly, but you know, wouldn't it be nice if I were?)

I'm going to work on writing them all out though in the next few months, and we'll see what I have the guts to post.

(1/19/05)